I HAVE DRUNK STRANGE WATERS - Episode 28

EPISODE 28

She burst into my office on Wednesday morning, one look at her and I knew I was in trouble.

“Hi Baby”

“Baby kill you there!” She shouted

“Lower your voice please”

“Don’t tell me to lower my voice, how dare you Femi?” she shouted again in anger.

“Cynthia, I don’t know why you are like this but you need to…”

“Don’t ever tell me to do anything! How dare you make me a laughingstock? That your stupid mother came to my village dressed like a clown with her stupid friends, who told her Calabars are Igbos?”

I was starting to get angry with her outburst but I knew I needed to calm down so that the whole matter will not escalate. “That’s my mother you are talking about”

“You can’t imagine what she did, she practically told the whole village you are married,” she said trying to calm down.

“What? I know Mama, she can’t do such a thing” I said trying to defend my mother.

“Really? Then what does “My son just married a better wife” mean?”

I was angry at Mama for speaking that way but it shows her loyalty to Cynthia against Kike, she must not have realized the implication of what she said  “I apologized on her behalf” I said trying to look calm.

“As if dressing like a clown was not enough, her friends were all stalk illiterate that does not know how to speak English. They kept saying Ekule, Ekule when they arrived”

I almost burst into laughter with the way Cynthia pronounced Ekule but I knew it will infuriate her further so I tried to suppress the laughter “They are just greeting your people, I am sorry”

“Did they have to speak if they don’t understand common English? I was so annoyed I wanted to call you but your phone was switched off throughout the day” she said looking at me accusingly.

“I was busy…”

“Busy taking a vacation with your wretched wife while I became a laughingstock?”

“How did you know?” I said looking stunned.

“It is all over social media, that your wife does not know how to hide her ugly face” Cynthia said mockingly.

“Can we just forget about this whole thing?” I said getting worked up.

“I don’t want to forget about it! By the way, my father gave us the engagement list that day. I didn’t allow your mother to collect it because I don’t want her to faint” With the look on Cynthia’s face I knew I was in trouble.

“Is your bride price that high?” I asked in dread.

“See for yourself,” Cynthia said and dropped the paper on my table.

“Cynthia hope you did not give your people the impression that I am that wealthy? I can’t really afford much at this level…”

“You should count yourself lucky that my mom didn’t cancel the introduction, she was really pissed off,” she said with a striking pose.

“Your mother? Isn’t she dead?” I asked in shock.

She suddenly looked floored but she quickly regained her balance.

“I meant my mom’s sister! I am used to calling her my mom since she raised me. Don’t try to cover up what we were saying; the wedding is in two months time”

“Two months' time?” I muttered and opened the folded sheet given to me, I saw two million five hundred and fifty thousand naira, and I swooned.

“What is this?” I asked trying to gather my strength.

“That is my engagement list,” she said and walked out of my office without looking back.

I held my head with my two hands for several minutes and was lost in thought. “I am in trouble! Femi you have chewed what you cannot swallow” I was like that for several minutes before something asked me to call Mama.

I picked up my phone and dialed her number and she picked up on the first ring.

“Hello Oko Iyawo, Femi Femo, you are the true son of your father” She hailed me.

“Hello, Mama! We are in trouble!” I shouted.

“Trouble ke? It is my enemies that will see trouble, calm down and tell me what happened”

“Mama, Cynthia brought her engagement list today…”

“Ehn? Thank God o! See Femi, you have really picked a good one this time around. All my friends were hailing me that my son married Oyinbo. In fact, I have become an esteemed person in my neighborhood” she said proudly.

“Mama, leave that one jare; her bride price is close to three million”

“Ye! E gba mi o!” my mother screamed.

“I almost fainted when I saw it, what are we going to do Mama?”

“Three million? The money is enough to buy land and build a house on it in my village, where do we get such money from?”

“Exactly Mama! We have to call off this whole thing. I knew this thing will not work from the beginning. Whatever wants to happen will happen, we are going to abort that pregnancy and go on our separate ways” I said angrily.

“What is wrong with you Femi? Didn’t I tell you what the prophet said? Do you want us to have murder on our neck? I can’t open my eyes and allow my only son to go to prison” Mama replied.

“Then what do we do?” I asked feeling desperate.

“An idea just occurred to me Femi; do you remember I told you the prophet said you will become very wealthy when you marry this lady?”

“Yes?”

“Tell me where you got the money for the introduction list”

“God provided, what are you arriving at?”

“If God can provide about a million naira in less than two days don’t you think He can provide money for the engagement list too?” Mama said happily, she sounded as if she founded the perfect solution.

“Mama, are you out of your mind?”

“It is your dead father that is out of his mind,” she said and hissed angrily.

“We are going to cancel this engagement, I don’t care what anybody thinks” I said angrily.

“Femi! Femi! Femi! How many times did I call you? I think it is impossible to back out at this stage” My mother said with a note of finality.

I remembered what has happened in the last three months and realized that she was saying the truth. “Do I have to embezzle money to offset the engagement list?”

“Hello! Hello! Femi! Are you there?” my mother shouted

“Yes Mama, I am still here”

“I think it is time to tell Kike what is going on, she should be preparing to receive a new wife”

To be continued…

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