"MY IDEAL MR or MISS RIGHT"
The first question I'll like to ask you is WHO IS YOUR IDEAL MR OR MISS RIGHT?
Don't answer, keep it in your heart
Your ideal Mr/Miss Right is someone you think is suitable for you to marry. The truth is that we all carry this picture in our head "Beautiful, Charming, Well endowed, Intelligent, Financially Stable, Smart, Physically fit, and many more. These are some of the lists we have somewhere in our hearts.
It influences how we relate to the opposite sex and who we fall in love with.
Some people even have funny lists like "Short, Tall, Humorous, Someone that does not snore, Someone that does not have mouth odour, A banker, name them. Those lists are not bad. Some of them are even realistic but not all of them are real.
See, it's your life and you are free to make the list as long as you want. These lists and many more are the reasons sisters are shouting there is no good man outside up and down. Six of you want to have a banker on your list and Bro Femi is the only banker in church. Pity Bro Femi Nah!
So Quickly we'll be looking at:
5 BOXES YOU SHOULD TICK WHEN DRAWING A LIST OF YOUR IDEAL MR/MRS RIGHT
You are free to draw your list the way you like but if these 5 things are missing from your list there is a problem and there is going to be a problem.
1. Spirituality
How many of you draw a list in your head and add "He/she must be spiritual?"
Being spiritual here does not mean heading the choir or ushering unit. In fact, he/she can be a pastor and not be spiritual. I'm talking about having a relationship with God. Someone that has a secret place.
Eccl4:9-12 talks about two being better than one and the reason being that if one falls the other will lift him up. It says if the two of you lie down you should have heat. The heat here does not mean weather for two; It's spiritual fire.
In Genesis 24:63 we can see Isaac there. They are bringing his wife and she met him on the field meditating. Our sisters may God give you a husband like Isaac.
In Gen 25:11 Rebecca was barren, and this man Isaac entreated the Lord for his wife. The Lord heard him and gave Rebecca twins.
Uncle/brother, this life is a battlefield. Marry a warrior!
Auntie, if he has six packs but does not pack any spiritual energy let him go. There are enemies waiting for you to marry to attack you. If you know what many are passing through in their marriage you will cry.
Even the mighty are falling; pastors are divorcing here and there. What will happen to you that cannot even pray for 5 minutes?
A man visited a man of God one day and I was around, when he narrated his ordeal I almost wept. He was doing fine, very well to do. He was controlling money and had many commercial buses then he got married and disaster struck.
First, they took away all his wealth, and then put his wife in a wheelchair. When it got to the stage that he started begging to feed his family he started running helter scatter. He didn't enjoy his marriage at all.
See, Ogun laye! If someone does not have the fire that can give you heat cross them out of your list.
Spirituality is the proximity between that person and God.
God will not do anything without telling Abraham. It includes the person's ability to tarry in prayer, the person's familiarity with the word of God and their deep sense of Godliness.
The uncle does not know any bible verse except "For God so loved the world..." When enemies arise, how can two of you chase ten thousand?
Auntie knows all international celebrities, all current season films but does not know where Habakkuk is in the bible.
The second on the list is:
2. VIRTUE
I have been in Singles ministry for so many years, don't mind my age. There are shocking things I have heard while Counseling our Christian brothers and sisters. A virtuous man/woman has integrity, morals, discipline, loyalty strength, honour etc
A virtuous woman can teach her children in the way of the Lord, and manage her home Successfully.
A virtuous man does not sleep around, and he can be vouched for.
See ehn, nothing shocks me anymore
Proverbs 31:10 says who can find a virtuous woman? Her price is far above rubies. Such women are scarce, forget breast and shapely buttocks. Those things standing up will soon get tired and sit down. I was Counseling a brother and sister together some time ago. This sister is neck-deep in immorality. She dates different men at will, even married men. This brother knows but what love cannot do does not exist. He believes she will change.
A brother was in courtship with a sister for so many years, he was dating his ex behind her back until he got her pregnant. I mean a firebrand, tongue-speaking brother of God. If you allow love to blind your eye Marriage go open am.
Does that man have integrity? Can you trust him? Now that you have not married him you are already dragging him with 5 girls.
Some sisters are sex addicts "Animasaun". She is well packaged and God's gift to all men but because she carries back and fronts you don't mind.
There are deal breakers o! Be determined not to ever marry someone that can cheat on you.
We have so many men today taking care of children that are not theirs. Because you top the belle it will start resembling you small small.
Go to where they do DNA tests and you will see many men fainting and having strokes.
3. PRUDENCE
The book of Proverbs 19:13-14 establishes the fact that a prudent wife is from the Lord.
The Book of Proverbs 22:3 says a Prudent man sees evil and hides himself
I'll explain those two Bible verses shortly.
There are some women that if you give them a thousand naira to go to the market they will come back with 3 tomatoes. A prudent woman is careful with the way she spends money. She is judicious, frugal and guided in her expenses. She is disciplined with money, not someone that will spend 200k on bone straight. Women are too blinded by how they look outside that they forget what is inside.
It's nice to look good in fact if she cannot take care of her body it is a turn-off but if all she thinks about is the "fashion" you are in trouble.
Auntie why buy bone straight of 200k when you can do business with 180k and get fine hair for less than 20k. If you give me that 200k I'll double it in two months.
Things are expensive now but if I take 2k to the market I will buy Orisirisi meat, cook good soup and still have some change left. Forget it, I can cook better soup with less than 1,500 in this economy.
Bro, if she is not prudent abeg use style style leave her. "A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself". This is a man that can see far
In this life, I so much respect men with boundaries because they usually go far in life. That Bro that still has the contact of all his ex's on his phone and will be greeting them up and down is not prudent o! One day he will get in trouble.
You know your weakness, yet every yellow sisi that pass you must "shook" eye.
All the fine sisters in the church are your besties.
You will be parading the sisters' house and be buying Suya and shawarma up and down.
All those love and kiss emojis you are sending to sisters up and down will put you in trouble.
You still have a long way to go, this is the time to invest in your future. If money too plenty for your hand abeg invest am
Set boundaries with the opposite sex, this cannot be overemphasized.
If you call a sister constantly for long, show care, etc she'll start developing feelings.
Can your pastor see your chats with sisters? You will think you are just catching cruise until "Kayamanta" catch you
4. Maturity
There is spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial maturity. It is very sad that our Singles concentrate on physical and maybe financial maturity.
Auntie please marry a mature man o! E get why. Before one man will come and slap you because you did not kneel down to greet his sister after Marriage.
Some sisters can also be very immature. You have so many friends you expose the secret of your life to.
A man can have six packs but if you weigh the sense he has you will see that he is just like a toddler in diapers.
Uncle, what do you know about how to manage a woman? You think you can control her once you have money?
Auntie please ask questions. A brother was telling her sister that when he marries her he will not allow her to work, he will not allow her to use Social Media and she must change her number.
An immature man/woman can ruin your life.
He/she will put extended family, friends and even relatives above you.
I want to give one example before we leave this point abeg.
Do you remember Jobs wife? How she asked her husband to curse God and die? She asked him why he was still clinging to his integrity. Do you remember Jobs reply? Job 2:9-10
He didn't curse her, he didn't abuse her family or her generation. He simply told her she was speaking like one of the foolish women who think they can get good things from God and not experience trials.
Before you start abusing Job's wife, can you please remember that this woman lost 7 children, in fact, all her children and her husband's wealth disappeared. Her husband fell ill and she still had to take care of her. You all think Job is such a strong man. Have you ever considered his wife? What she went through?
Job understood that she was speaking from her point of pain. Any man would have cursed the woman.
Remember that when God restored everything Job had lost, He didn't give him a new wife.
Now look at the popular story of Michal and David?
Her husband was dancing almost naked publicly before the ark of God.
Maybe this woman didn't structure her words well but pardon her, she was a princess used to royalty and dignity.
Do you remember how David replied to her?
He told her it was before the Lord who took the kingdom from her father... David was so angry that Michal will never forget those words he spoke to her.
Sisters which of these men will you prefer to marry?
No matter the amount of sense a woman has she is still a woman. Sometimes her emotion, PMS, mood swings, pregnancy wahala etc may cause her to say things she didn't mean.
Do you understand this as a man?
Finally let's look at the last point
5. KNOWLEDGE & WISDOM
The book of Proverbs 14:1 says a wise woman builds her house. As a woman you also need a wise and knowledgeable man. Before you marry what do you know about men, women, temperaments, finance, business, etc?
Knowledge is your weapon to have a better married life
The Book of 1Sam. 25:3 talks about a man called Nabal. He was a very foolish man who was churlish and proud.
It is better you remain single as a woman than for you to marry a violent, proud, and boastful man.
Let me talk a little about temperament.
Please while drawing a list of your ideal spouse write down your preferred temperament. This has been the major cause of the crisis in Christian homes.
People's temperament controls how they behave. Sure the Holy Spirit also controls our temperaments but what He does it do help subdue the weakness of our temperaments.
We have Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic, and Melancholic
Usually people are a mixture of two temperaments. One dominant one and the other will be a little bit silent.
Read books abeg. What you don't know will score you low
I'm a mixture of Sanguine and Phlegmatic (A Sang-Phleg) and this caused some friction in my marriage when we first started. Oga knew little about Temperament. I was absent minded most of the time as a writer and creative person. As a Sanguine I relate well with people but have issues remembering faces. I am a usually neat person, I can wash my hands more than 20 times in a day, bathe frequently, and hate smells but I was poor at arranging things. You need to see my wardrobe.
My Oga is a melancholic who loves everything arranged and in order. There was so much "gbas gbos".
If you don't understand temperaments you won't be able to relate well with people.
Go and read "Why you act the way you do" by Tim Lahaye
Some people are sassy, no nonsense kind of people. Those people are usually Cholerics or Melancholics.
Some people are demure. This is the trait of a phlegmatic person.
The Phlegmatic part of me makes me shy at times, I can attend church for over 5 years and nobody will hear my voice.
I'll leave you with this,
Enjoy your SINGLEHOOD. It won't be forever but do the right thing to avoid regrets later. You can't come back to undo all your mistakes.
Set your priority right and have the right mindset.
Teaching by Sarah Adeniji
Author of "Bride of an Empire"
Published and Edited by:
DeDandy Visuals
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